...on Daily Improvement

So, part of surviving distance is to make a plan each day to get OUT of the house!  Seriously though, if I didn't force myself to go somewhere, I sincerely wouldn't.  I didn't have toothpaste for the first 3 days after I got home from PA.  (Don't freak out, I used mouthwash every day.  I scrubbed with a toothbrush, too).  I saw myself living as if I was still in college, simply because I lost the drive to get out and about!  "What's the point of cooking a gourmet meal when my husband isn't here to enjoy it?"  Answer - Because I enjoy it!!

Most days I make a plan with a friend - accountability is KEY to make sure you actually get your butt off the couch.  I've established a workout routine to hopefully reach some goals in the 2 weeks that I have left.  I'm actually significantly improving in the areas that I was hoping for, so I'm really glad!  Also, I have a strong passion for finding a job to have once David leaves again in 6 weeks.  I've been applying for positions and I'm actually highly qualified for these jobs!  I haven't heard anything from them, yet... but I'm keeping my hopes up.  A couple of them are my dream jobs!  Jobs that can turn into a career!  Okay, Bev, time to keep my feet on the ground.

Also part of my daily plans are home-furnishing projects.  I have made several pieces of art which I now have littered around the living room.  My best friend Eden took me to IKEA for the first time and we bought a few pieces of decor for the kitchen; Eden also hand-made an apron for me, which is now hanging in its rightful spot in the kitchen.  All of these little projects have been hours of enjoyment, they've kept my mind off of missing my sweet husband, and they now serve a purpose in the house.  (Kind of.  I guess it depends on your perspective.  My husband's take on wall art - "I just don't understand having things in our house and their only purpose is to collect dust,")  He's going to love the stuff that I made, though.  He's the kind of guy who appreciates the hard work that goes into hand-making things :)

Here are some of the projects that I finished!

Cat grass!  I bought the seed starter kit at Walmart, then transplanted to my own flower pot.

The cats LOVE it.

Found the idea for this wall art on Pinterest.  I used fabric, styrofoam board, and staples.

The wall art from above, shown hanging in my living room.

The canister for the noodles and dispenser for the oil add a nice touch.

Eden's hand-made apron <3

The mirror and pictures from IKEA look so lovely.

This embroidery project is my favorite!  It's a gothic letter "C" and is proudly displayed as you walk in the garage door - husband and I will see it every day!

...on Making Friends and Goals

Today has been a surprisingly fantastic day!  Not that I was expecting it to be bad or anything, but I guess I was just assuming it would be any other normal day.

Most importantly - I got to talk to my husband today :)  It has been 4 or 5 days since I've heard anything from him, so this phone call was very nice!  It was a fantastic way to begin a morning.  David is doing well, but he is dog-tired.  He just got out of the field and his team is spending the day cleaning the vehicles and weapons they used.  While everyone else was at breakfast this morning, David was sending emails and getting things done on the computer.  It seems like the poor guy doesn't ever get to eat meals!  I worry that he's going to cross a threshold for his capacity for mental stress... I feel so helpless in this situation.  All I can do is lend a listening ear, comfort him when times get tough for him, and send him all of my love.

Today I made plans to go to the gym with my friend Michelle.  I did a workout by myself until she got there, then we did a zumba class together.  It was fun!  She and I met at work, so I am definitely grateful for my job, although the organization for which I work isn't my favorite.  I like Michelle a lot despite the fact that she's only 19 years old; she's got a very grown personality and has a good sense of humor.  I love how eager she is to hear "my wisdom" about college, relationships, marriage, etc.  She's got a lot of knowledge and motivation to work out, so she's definitely a great person to have in my life!  She lives in Wilmington, and has invited me to her apartment, so I think we have potential to become close friends.

After lunch, I met up with a friend named Jenny who I met through LINKS.  I am seriously glad that I started volunteering with LINKS!  Jenny is great - we spent 3 hours together and it felt like no time at all.  We met up at my favorite Italian place nearby called Englese's.  I had the lobster ravioli, which I will totally order again!  Anyway, we spent two hours at the restaurant, just talking about books that we're reading, how to deal with a long deployment, and our pets.
Her husband was deployed for a year, so she knows what crazy things are going through my head and how I'm feeling.  She gave me some really great advice and a sense of hope that David and I might be able to talk more than what I imagine.  I think I'm defensively imagining that I'll never get to talk to my husband so that if this is the case, then maybe it won't hurt as much.  It is nice to have hope for a better situation, though.
We talked about making goals while our husbands are deployed, for the simple fact that you will always be striving for that goal while they're gone.  I want to get involved in a workout routine like what I did in college, I want to get a more permanent and full-time job, and I want to decorate our house to make it more homey. I'm in the process of decorating already, and I must admit that it's really fun!

...on The First Phase of Deployment

I'm having a roller-coaster of emotions right now, and although I'm quite literally surrounded by friends right now, I can't get these thoughts off of my mind.  I need to write it all out so that I can feel better.  I can't ignore them anymore.  I can't push them into the back of my mind.  My thoughts tend to swirl into oblivion until they are all I am thinking about, almost obsessing over them, until I come to terms and cope with the inevitable.

David and I have started the first phase of deployment: ATG.  I have to preface this next paragraph by saying that I have dated guys in the military before.  I have dealt with separation several times in the past 5 years; however, I have never been married before and I am quite honestly scared of this deployment.  I am scared that my husband will change or I will change, and we will be reunited in a year to find out that we are totally different people.  When you are just dating, you are able to either work out those differences or leave.  In marriage, you're not supposed to leave, but people often do.  I hope that a year apart from each other doesn't provide an opening for our relationship to change drastically and cause any unhappiness on either of our parts.  I know this thought has circled my mind a few different times.  I am trying to push the thought out of my mind altogether, but hard as I try, I can't always ignore it.

I am also very scared of the fact that I have to find a way to carve out an existence by myself for a year.  Okay, not literally by myself, because I have such great friends that I can lean on... but my husband is my best friend.  He completes me.  I can't imagine my life without him now that I have had the honor of having him with me.  I know a year is temporary, but it's still a long time in my opinion.  I know that, ultimately, I'll be okay and I'll probably come out a stronger person because of our time apart.  I know that lots of people do this kind of separation all the time.  I know that I have a nice, long list of all of the things that I want to accomplish over the next year.  I know that people say I'll get through it.  I'm not as strong as I thought I was, so it's definitely going to take a lot of courage and inner strength to get through this year.  I'm already starting to cry just thinking about it.

My heart breaks every time I think about being away from my husband.  I love him so much that I am willing to go through this deployment... and at the same time I'm very cognizant of my fears.